the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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