you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
