Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
