Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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