I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
