no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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