Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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