once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
