If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
