Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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