I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone came in the potted fern
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
