Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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