This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
