Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
