Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
