I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
