I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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