Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had to coat check the pizza.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
