i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
