If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
