I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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