okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
