Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
