just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
