Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think I sprained my soul last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
