Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
