I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
