margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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