her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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