Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
