I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
