Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
