Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
