After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
