He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
FUCK WHALES
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
