Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He passed out mid-signature
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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