you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
