UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
