We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
