Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
