Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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