dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dick has a subreddit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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