Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
