I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
