I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
