i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
