Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i think i just lost a toe
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
