if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
