He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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