our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
