And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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