my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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