Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
