I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
