dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
