he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
