u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
