Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
